For a week I have spent writing, then erasing, then writing some more, only to realize that it’s all pretty much dog sh!t. At the start of the week I was going to write this awesome blog article on our simple philosophy here at KNX. While in the process of this (which I thought was one step away from garbage) I thought, maybe I should do a piece on acceptance. So I scrapped the simple piece and began with the acceptance piece. And, not much to my surprise, it was also garbage. So here we are, two dog sh*t articles later with a story behind the stories.
Here’s the deal, be who you are. Unfortunately, there are many who have a hard time with this. And for a long time I was one of those people, always chasing happiness through other people and being unwilling to accept the paranoia and little insecurities.
Nearly every day a reference is made regarding depression and/or anxiety and how hard it is to live with it. They’re not wrong, it is hard. You know what else is hard? Always suppressing feelings of poor self-image, lack of self-confidence, dog sh1t self-esteem, social anxiety, and bouts of depression and feelings of worthlessness. Pushing that sh*t down and thinking it will go away if you do X or Y. There are a lot of us out there who live a silent battle; we put on a performance some days that could win us an Oscar. Fortunately for some of us we have cases that are not debilitating; nevertheless, they exist and we manage our issues the best we can. We can only imagine and empathize with those who experience more severe cases.
Being who you are is hard, but why? Is it because we are afraid people will think less of us or choose to disassociate from us? Maybe because we have not accepted our faults or aren’t ready to let others in on our secret. In any case it will likely be different for everyone, because not every situation will be due to something like anxiety, depression or low self anything. Sometimes people hide their true self for other reasons. Think about this. I realize and accept that I am not a good writer. Transforming thoughts to written word has become difficult and takes a lot of effort. But because I believe with more reps will come better quality I will keep plugging away at it. The more you do it the better you get.
The point with all of this is simple, I think. I too fight the battle and have for a very long time. I am not proud of being silent, but those closest to me are aware. I have never put this out on a public forum, not because I am ashamed (or maybe I still am), but because the sh!tty piece I was writing on acceptance made me realize how unauthentic I was being.
So, that's the story behind the two sh*tty stories with another kinda short sh*tty one.